Recently on social media, I found many debates arising on Ram's decisions as a King and a Husband. Did his Dharma as a King overshadow his Dharma as a husband? Did he love and respect his partner? Why did Sita never protest? Why did he listen to a Dhobi?
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The ancient Valmiki texts define Ram as a contemporary king who rose to a Godly position with his deeds as a King for his subjects. The latter texts, mostly after Tulsi Das' Ramcharitmanas define him as an avatar of Vishnu and a God, who descended on Earth with a purpose. I am going ahead with Ram as a king here. In Hinduism, we believe everyone's life has a purpose. We live for it. Most of us spend our lives searching for the right purpose, others find it without realising it. Rarely, do there are people we call " Mahapurush" who know their purpose in life from a very tender age.Ram was born in the Treta Yug, the second Yug of the four Yug cycles.
The land in the North was ruled by Kings, The Forests of the South were where the Demons lived. Further south, was Lanka. Raavan, the demon king, was the ruler of Lanka. He had taken over Lanka from Kuber, the god of wealth and his brother as well. Kuber ran North East in fear and established another city he called Alanka. Raavan was a Shiva devotee and a vain ruler. He wanted to be immortal. He had many mistresses, he ruled very strictly and his subjects often received severe punishments for minor mistakes. He kept poor people as slaves and often whipped them to work. Now seeing Raavan flourish this way many kings took to his wrongly shown path of Adharma.
Ram was born to show the world how an Ideal King should be. He was born to fight for the preservation of the laws of Kingship and Kshatriya Dharm. In one way as a teenager, Ram is detached from the ambition of being a King as he upholds his father's boon to his stepmother and goes to the forests. He is seen saying " I want to see what's the power in a RaajSinghasan that Maata Kaikeyi can't afford to lose it, and what's scary in a forest that Maata Kausalya Fears it." 14 years and many struggles later he is seen to choose that very throne over his wife. The question arises ... Why? He fought the world to save her, to make her his, then left her for his subjects... perhaps the throne?
Many feminists choose to call him a bad husband, a partner who never stood by the Sati Sita. But I differ here. He was a perfect husband. Proof? After their marriage, they have a conversation in Kausalya's courtyard. Sita asks Ram if Kaikeyi was his father's favourite wife, then what was his mother's importance?
Ram defines to her, " A king has many Queens, but one wife. Maata Kaikeyi is his favourite queen but my mother is his wife."
" Then what is the difference between a wife and a queen?"
" A Queen is mother to his subjects, an wife the mother to his children. A Queen the one he rules with, a wife, one he lives with."
Teenagers then, Ram had told Sita " You will always be my wife and Queen, I promise."
He kept his promise, as time tested him. First the beautiful Surponokha's marriage proposal, then a long separation from Sita... Never did he have another wife or queen. He fought Raavan with much lesser weapons and army and put even his favourite brother's life in danger for her. As a husband Ram was truly Ideal. So was Sita as a wife. Sita stayed in Raavan's palace flanked by his mistresses, who urged her to give in to their Lord who had lost his heart to her. She had been offered the luxuries of good clothes and jewellery which she refused firmly. Her heart and soul remained his even in separation when she raised his twins at Valmiki Ashram.
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| Devdutt Pattnaik's Illustrations on Sita |
On the other hand, although he wanted Bharat to become king like his mother had wanted, Bharat's righteous nature didn't let him do so. He kept Ram's slippers on the throne and ruled as a representative for 14 years. When Ram came back the throne was his. Now, Ram, the King was his subject's father. Surya Vanshi Ram had to follow his ancestors and keep his subjects before his personal life. His father's boon had failed to do so. His queen had snatched away not only his favourite son but Ayodhya's king for 14 years. Ram could not let that happen again. He knew his purpose. His birth was to teach the world what an Ideal King should be. He loved his subjects as much as he loved his wife, if not more. When the subjects, represented by the Dhobi questioned Sita's right to be their Queen and hence their mother, Ram was hurt. It was wrong on his subject's part to question their chaste mother. He knew they were wrong. But he could not do what his father did. As much as he trusted Sita, he could not keep her over his subjects. He ordered her to leave. He had no choice. If he chose her over his subjects, they would have revolted, and then his purpose of an ideal kingdom would not be served. Sita knew his dilemma. She knew he had no option. Hence we never see her regret his decision, yet somewhere she was angry with fate and his decision later as she did not inform him about his children until he met them 10 years later.
Some people are questioning their love. I would say, you should never. Their love was beyond the test of time and separation, their mutual respect, trust and understanding were so much that without saying they knew what the other thought. Ram the husband never questioned Sita's chastity and she knew him enough to understand it was King Ram's decision.
Hindu texts give immense respect to their women even in their greatest difficulties as they put forward the realities of a woman's life. Society indeed pointed a finger at her, even when she was innocent, but today after thousands of years her name is immortal as the Goddess who stands beside Lord Ram as an Ideal wife and inspiration to many women to fight back. The feminists should be happy with that.
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