Uttara's Pain

It was the thirteenth day of the war. Bhadro Amavashya of the Year. The wives of all the warriors were up before dawn performing pujas for their husbands' well-being. Panchali, Subhadra, and Uttara lead them to the Shiva temples to pray to the god of destruction. Before the god, the Queens and wives placed their offerings and prayed for the well-being of their husbands and children. By the end of the day, some more will become widows. Some more will never come back to their families. The thought scared them. Today, Uttara was happy. Her baby moved. She could feel it. She rushed to her husband and saw him tired and asleep. She watched him sleep until Panchali called her for prayers.

When they got back, it was almost dawn, and the horses and soldiers were getting ready again. Uttara searched for her husband and found him waiting for her at their tent. He was dressed for the day in armour, holding his sword. They smiled at each other as she put vermilion on his sword and forehead.

" Return as a winner, Arya. I will wait for you."

He made her sit down and took the Churamani, the symbol of her being his, from her hands and put it on her head just like on their wedding day. Uttara hugged her husband. He touched her belly.

" I will come back really fast today. Until then, don't move and take care of your mother, son!"

He kissed his wife's forehead and then headed out towards his chariot. His mother and Panchali were applying vermilion on their husbands' foreheads and weapons. He touched their feet.

" Vijayi Bhaba Putra!" Panchali put her hand lovingly over his head. Subhadra hugged her son.

Krishna came up and hugged his nephew. Abhimanyu touched his feet.

" Fight till the very end, Putra, sometimes winning is not everything, your bravery is."

" Pitashri has told me to smile at my enemies even in death, Mamashri. That defeats them."

" Parth told the right Vatysa."

Abhimanyu rode out of the tents right after his father's chariot. The conch shells blew to start the day, and Karna attacked Arjun. On the other side, the army of Narayani Sena was ordered by the commander of the Kauravas to form the Chakravyuh and trap the Pandavas. The Chakravyuh was destroying a lot of armies, and the only warriors who knew how to break it were Arjun; they were helpless. Arjun was on the far end of the other side, having the fight of his life with Surya's son Karna. Yudhisthir looked at his helpless army of foot soldiers being crushed by the Chakravyuh, which moved towards their camp. He felt helpless. Abhimanyu pulled his chariot beside Yudhisthir's.

" Tatshri, I can break the chakravyuh. Please permit me to enter it."

" But how? Only Arjun knew it."

" Yes, He told my mother, and I learnt from the womb. But I don't know the way out. So after you get out, please help me out."

" But if you don't know it, you don't need to go; we will wait for Arjun to return."

" It will be too late, Tatshri, we can't afford to lose our army this way."

" All right, but you stay close to us. We four brothers will help you out, Putra."

Abhimanyu broke through the entrance bravely and entered. He had played with entering the Chakravyuh ever since he understood warfare. He freed his uncles from the second last spiral of the Chakra with great ease, ripping apart the Kauravas' army. They got away as he entered the centre of the Vyuh. When they turned their chariots for him, it was too late as Drona instructed them to close the Vyuh again, and Abhimanyu was trapped. Jayadratha, the brother-in-law of the Kauravas, stood with his army. No matter how much they tried, the four brothers did not get a chance to enter the Vyuh before it closed.

Abhimanyu stood bravely, aware he was alone, trapped by his enemies. He was ready to face them. The faces were familiar, cousins and uncles, but all were enemies. His cousins are Laxmana, Kritavarma, his uncles Duryodhan and Dushasan, Kripacharya, Drona, and Ashwatthama. Karna joined in informing Arjun was very busy fighting an army full of brave men. Eight Maharathi attacked the sixteen-year-old Abhimanyu together. He picked his arrow, and they broke his bow; he picked a sword, a spear and then a knife. They broke them all. Alone he fought with eight people till almost it was time for sunset. He harmed them; they harmed him more. Now, weaponless, he picked up his chariot wheel.

" I will not be defeated by you cowards! None of you could kill me alone, and you have come like a pack of wild animals."

He hurdled the wheel like Krishna's chakra, and it hit Laxmana and killed him.

" That is what you get for calling me Mitra and doing this to me. Cowards! All of you!" Abhimanyu roared at Laxmana, his cousin and husband to Balarama's daughter. They had been childhood friends.

Seeing him kill Laxmana, the Kauravas were angrier, and Kritavarma attacked him from behind. The mace hit his head, and he fainted. The Kauravas ripped him apart. He only smiled at them, not giving them the satisfaction of their kill. Outside the Vyuh, his Uncles stood helpless, crying and pleading. Before he finally lost his senses, he remembered a smiling face that said, " I will wait for you, Arya."

" Uttara!" Abhimanyu fell unconscious and took his last breath.

The news spread like wildfire about how eight Maharathi had killed one. Arjun rushed to grab his son's blood-soaked body. His rage grew. He cursed his brothers; he cursed his friend Krishna. Only he could save his son. Knowing why the Pandavas couldn't help him, all his anger was directed at Jayadrath. He wanted revenge.

Uttara was in her chambers, tying her hair neatly into a braid. "Arya will be back any minute. I have to get his medicines ready." She told her baby. Panchali entered her face calmly. " Jesth maata, have they returned?" excited, Uttara got up, but she saw Samragni's eyes. Tears swelled up. Uttara rushed out. "Arya!" In the distance, a crowd had gathered. Everyone was crying. A great warrior had met his end. She felt her legs go weak, and Panchali grabbed her. She saw Arjun and Subhadra crying over a body covered in white clothes. She knew it; she saw his armband in Subhadra's hand. She could not move. Her cry filled the night sky. It woke the sleeping Bheeshma in his shwarasajya, the Kauravas' women, and it shook the enemy camp. Subhadra now rushed to her side, and the mother consoled her. " He is there with you, in your womb, his last sign, don't cry, Uttara." Suddenly, Abhimanyu's naive, childish wife grew up. Wiping away her tears, holding his hand in hers, Uttara declared, " Set up the Pyre, he gave me Saptapadi Vachan, I am going with him, prepare for Sati." Her voice was cold. It shook the elders. The fifteen-year-old pregnant princess was going to do what many couldn't.

Uttara being Consoled

" No, you will not, the future of the Kuru Dynasty is with you, Uttara." Krishna's voice was cold.

" Take him with you, give him life, set me free, I want to go with Arya."

" He is still months away from birth; we can not do that to the child. He is our only hope."

" Hope? What about my hope? My sacrifices? Arya? " Never had anybody seen the Princess of Matsya so angry and brave. She was indeed his Ardhangini. Her anger was breaking the barriers of royal behaviour.

" Answer me, anyone, what about me?"

" You will raise his heir."

" For what, Mamashri? So that he fights for the throne like this?"

The Pandavas stood silent, ashamed at this young widow's questions. Nobody dared to talk.

" I grant you a boon, Uttara. In your next life, you will be allowed to die with him in his pyre, and you will be appreciated for your bravery like he is now. But not in this life, Putri, the future is with you." Krishna's voice was soft. Uttara hugged the ever-sleeping Abhimanyu and cried as the elders prepared for cremation. The fire burnt him to ashes. Uttara looked at the blazing fire and promised, " Wait for me, Arya. I will meet you in our next birth, I will not let you go alone then." Her baby was restless inside her. As if Abhimanyu was replying through him. She held her belly as tears fell.

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